Rita the Mule

By Howard Lewis

Critique Partner Extraordinaire & Mule Owner

I feel the need to write on behalf of the mule, Rita. Somebody has to support her because she has a bone to pick. The mule doesn’t get near enough respect in Linda’s book.

You see, Rita’s not just some other animal. She’s a hybrid. Her mamma’s a horse, and her daddy’s a donkey. Receiving the best from each, she knows she’s better than either.

This means that she’s braver than donkeys and smarter than horses. Her intelligence is why some people consider her stubborn, but it’s pretty simple. If it doesn’t make sense to Rita, she won’t do it. Before she came to live with Lilly, her human sent her to a local horse trainer with 25 years

of experience and a great reputation. Rita had a lot of fun with him before he gave her back saying, “Mules are different.” The trainer was used to pestering horses into doing what he wanted. It didn’t work with Rita. Of course, once she got Lilly trained, she gave in a lot so she could spend time with her human.

Rita loved Lilly. This human made her feel like a friend instead of a servant. Rita grieved terribly when she lost Lilly. Unfortunately, when Brie met her, the mule wasn’t in the mood to meet another human. The first time Brie tried to put Rita in the trailer, she led the mule up as if she were a horse and asked her to climb in. Rita’s not a horse so she just stood there. Brie pulled on the lead, offered her a treat and slapped her on the butt. Rita just stood there. Brie stamped her feet and screamed her cheese curses. Rita just stood there. Eva finally said something to her. Brie rubbed Rita’s nose, hugged her face, and told her she was most beautiful mule in the world. Rita walked into the trailer.

Around the farm, Rita lets Hank, Eva’s horse, be boss. It’s not that she couldn’t whup him. Of course she could. It’s just that being boss isn’t as important to her as it is to him. Even though she lets him think he’s the leader, she does take great pleasure picking on him. She’ll creep up beside him while he’s grazing so he has to chase her off. When he’s on the other side of a fence, she’ll walk close enough to make him mad but far enough away so he can’t touch her. When in the barn, she’ll pee right next to his stall so he has to smell it.

Just like all equines (horses, mules, donkeys, zebras, etc.) Rita’s a prey animal. Other animals want to hunt and eat her. Unlike those stupid horses who always run away, sometimes Rita wants to fight. Especially if she’s mad. With a half a ton of muscle and bone, a quick, intelligent mind, and a tenacity that won’t quit, she’s never lost a fight.

The mule has an impressive heritage. Rita can do anything horses can do: drag plows, pull carriages or even carry people in saddles. George Washington believed that her kind were better workers than horses and wanted one. Being a picky man, he wanted a mule sired by a Spanish donkey, considered to be the superior asses of the time. After spending years trying to procure the donkey, King Charles III sent him two. Only one survived the trip. George immediately put him to work breeding a series of donkeys and mules. George even rented him out for stud running

newspaper ads describing his outstanding qualities. Mares and Jennies lined up for his service.

Rita and her brothers are sterile. It has to do with chromosomes. People have a standard set of questions when they discover this. Mostly dealing with Rita’s sex. Yes, Rita has brothers and sisters. Yes, even though she can’t reproduce, Rita goes into heat and her brothers want to have sex. Yes, most of the time, Rita’s brothers are “cut” or fixed. There’s no reason to keep them intact if they can’t have babies and removing certain male parts make them much easier to deal with.

Rita knows she’s beautiful, but she was made for function as well. She has a longer face, than horses and her eyes are further around her head. With just a small movement, she can see behind her with one eye and in front of her with the other at the same time. Rita has huge ears that she can independently turn toward whatever she’s listened to. While her right ear listens to her rider, she can turn her left ear to listen to whatever’s up ahead. 

Have I made it clear yet that Rita’s right? She deserves a bigger part in Linda’s book. Let’s start a campaign. Readers for Rita. Give Rita the Part She Deserves. Rita for President.

About the Author

Howard Lewis is a talented writer, martial artist, and a marvelous critique partner. He lives in the "suburbs" of Salem, SC, with a mule, two horses, and multiple dogs. He's the past president of the Upstate Chapter of Sisters in Crime and he's part of the Writers' Police Academy "family." He's provided tons of information on his equines for my new Brie Hooker Mystery series published by Henery Press. The first book, BONES TO PICK, is now available for preorder. THANKS Howard!